It has been one year exactly since The Runner gently let me know that his ex girlfriend had returned, and that while he would still like to be friends, and running partners, dating was no longer in the cards. I wasn’t surprised by this, I had suspected for a while that we were better running partners than romantic material.
Fast forward to this year: The Runner is now married to that ex girlfriend and they are expecting their first child. And, oh yeah, we’re still friends and running partners, and his wife is a lovely, wonderful woman, and perfect for him. Still the best thing that ever came out of Match.com; my friendship with The Runner.
Today, I checked the blog of the first guy I dated post divorce, about three years ago. Don’t ask me why I still check his blog, I honestly don’t know. But….he is GETTING MARRIED! The blood drained out of my face. I was short of breath and a little light headed. AND TOTALLY FREAKED OUT!! I have no idea why this is bugging me so badly. The guy was an emotional train wreck when I met him. I knew that. I also knew that as soon as he found his way to getting his shit together, he was again going to be an amazing man. Guess what. He has apparently gotten his shit together. I’m happy for him, despite my total shock.
I’m very surprised by my reaction to both of these men, who I dated, getting remarried, while I am still single. Granted, they had both been divorced a whole lot longer than I have been, but still……why am I so freaked out? Maybe because this ‘thing’, remarriage, that I dream I’ll get to experience someday, is happening for other people, when my own remarriage seems to be little more than a distant fairytale for me? Or is it? Could I be reading this in a year, and thinking, ‘holy cow, look how far I’ve come in a year’? Maybe that is why this is freaking me out. Not because I’m not remarried, and they are, but, because they are, that maybe I will be too. And that maybe, it’s not a million light years away, like I believe right now.
But it is possible, that I’m just jealous. That could be it.